Stuck!!!

Oh dear! There are some entries that I recall because of some unacceptable reasons (yet I consider them acceptable in so many freaking ways).
Here comes rainy season and I’m soaking wet in tears. I dunno but I can’t seem to find any escape to look for a different job. Fears. Endless fears are holding me back.
I know I can do more in this world where the number of sales and issues you close will define you as a human, your space will suddenly be small that it will be hard for you to move and you will find it hard to breathe as time goes by….blame it all on every stick of cigarette sold outside the office.
What am I going to do now???
Plan B…nah…it’s been executed already…
Plan C here I go...

The Grand Vacation

It's not the ultimate out of town or even the best vacation on a beach or anywhere anybody could dream of but this is something i am really looking forward to after two years working in a not-so-excited (but hell i still stick to) kind of job.
This could be a great reward for me so far, something most of my co-workers wanted to have just to escape on the "fcuk i wanted to die" kind of feeling every single night we go to work. Yet, must admit i have to make some dirty deeds to obtain this but it's one of the most wonderful thing that happened to me!
Three..oh make it four days off!! waaaaaaaah!! a break i'v been waiting for!! I soooo like this!! I go to office but not to work but to make other lives' oh so miserable and happy at the same time. I can go window shopping anytime and spend time with my family. This is the moment where i will savor every night that i will do nothing but to sleep!!!!



Aawww...see, being suspended isn't bad after all!!! ;-)

*Program Focus*

OH GEEZ!!! I thought settling down with my family is so easy…
A lot of consequences are starting to show up and have to admit that I’m having a hard time juggling work-responsibilities-and-other-mumbo-jumbos in my life.
All the signs of aging are also pretty obvious…oh well…have no wrinkles on my face yet but I need to cut down on some things for me not to lose track of all the expenses on our place.
I have to bid farewell to Starbucks’ Grande coffees...i need to plot specific date for shopping, and specific amount too!! Instaed of going out to watch movies on a movie house, I will just wait for a copy on a dvd. Only one (consecutive) weekend/s in a month will be allotted for outings and unstoppable gimiks…all I pray is that I’ll be able to stick with all these deals in my life.
I just need to concentrate really hard I think..hehehe

Cup Noodles, Sex and The City and other Boo-Boos

I hardly had sleep and I blame it to the very humid weather! I woke up took a bath, fixed myself and off to go to the office. It’s been my ritual to eat 30 golden minutes before starting my uber "fun" job, so entered this store and there, at the shelf sitting Beef Cup Noodles, glowing, inviting me, showing off its best look with halo on top of it. So I bought it, went up to my working station and then after taking a bite of my noodles, my world stopped.
I just thought of the movie Sex and the City and how Carrie Bradshaw almost spend her New Year with a cup of noodles on her hand and snows falling at her window pane. I looked at my newly polished nail and thought, this could be the food for feeling lonely people who’s struggling to live and surviving every single day of their life without someone very special to spend with. Snap! Snap! Snap! I still do believe in fairy tales and sparks does exist, even the movie ends well, though it’s not that extravagant with some fireworks and people dancing and singing, yet each of them will have a great beginning. So why am I alone for so long anyways???
I must admit, I’m just afraid. I’m afraid of being in love again and being hurt really bad. I’m afraid to take the risk. I’m so afraid even when "THE GUY-I-like-the-most" approached me, the only word I said was an overwhelming, sounding so stupid "HUH?!" and acted a big time jerk infront of him. I’m afraid to show up in his face again. I’m afraid that my heart might beat fast, knees gets really weak, hands get really cold and well…totally get lost again just him smiling at me. It’s an infinite feeling but I find it really scary.
Oh how I miss the feeling of being in love yet I’m afraid to dwell to that kind of feeling. It’s kinda’ confusing but those who are totally hurt will only understand what I’m going through right now. I’m just patiently waiting for my prince to defeat the dragon and break down the walls around me.
Alright! Reality bites…really hard!! At this point I’m left with my monitor infront of me, my headset neatly placed in my oh well..head..and a cup of noodles in my hand which is…ooops..empty now…
Time to get going and do my job…..
*uh-oh….he’s back…..

Emotional or Paranoia

For some reasons, I can feel someone’s feeling not really good about my decision leaving my dear apartment and live with my mom and my brother. He may not be furious at all, but in some way, he may feel bad about it. Maybe I have done or said something that will make him treat me coldly.
Few more days before leaving my humble place, while I slowly pack my stuff, I can sense something is not right about the whole scene. Seems like a puzzle I need to figure out since he doesn’t say a word at all. I don’t know if it’s the thought that I have to leave him alone or the part where I should have left him a few weeks ago.
I decided to stay a week or two because I still want to spend time with him, but it’s not what’s happening and with what I’m feeling right now, I’m being pushed to move away. Well, it’s ok, I decided for this to happened anyways. I just have to stand up with my decisions and move on with my life, this time, without my dear housemate…

Whew! To be or Not to be?!

I can’t remember when was the last time I run through this feeling and I have to admit that it is something I really don’t want to see myself at this moment or maybe few years from now. There are so many things I have to do in my life and I still have to make up with all the mistakes I’ve done for myself, and all the craps.
I’ve been in the stage of denial and other sort of lies these past few years of my life. Fears keep on conquering me that I even thought that people that goes to this baloney emotions is just for the sake of having fun. I used to find it really nonsense to accept someone as somebody that you wish to spend with for the rest of their lives, when in reality, till death do us part promises are often written in the sand. It’s just a fairy tale in a little girls dream, that prince charmings are frogs when kissed and happily ever afters are only be found in books.
Yet now, things are turning upside down. My believes are gone with the wind.
After so many years, this is the only time where, again, I’m starting to feel something I fear to feel. Someone makes my heart beat really fast, and it’s true indeed that wobbling knees does happened. I felt all this when I saw him…
Can this be it???

There Oh!Ü

I started making my own scrapbook! Finally after a few months of thinking whether I’ll make or leave my pictures on my website, I finally decided to compile them and make a scrapbook! I’ll be needing to do some brief research on how things to be done properly, like what kind of materials to use, from printing my pictures, kind of papers to use, trinkets to place on each pages, themes, format, designs even to the sticky-glue..or whatever it is that will make my stuff be in its proper places!
I thought it’s easy, only to find out that it’s not! Hahaha
Being "maarte" takes a lot of effort! Whew! Yet it’s ok, it’s my stress reliever as well and a good past time.
When everything is working and looking fine already, I’ll post it here and share it with you guys! Ü

*got photo at http://www.thebouncespot.com/v1/files/images/scrapbook_addict_logo.jpg