Death, tears and home made cookies

Last week was the tragic moment for our family when my daddy-lolo finally gave up and left us. He fought the battle and suffered enough to be forgiven from all his shortcomings and mistakes he have caused us, whether he mean it or not.
It's something i can't accept after making a deal with him that he can make it, that we will fight together and amidst my busy schedule, still see to it he's being taken care of. When he had his last breath, something just stabbed me in my chest, made me still and quiet...it sucks because it's a feeling i've been avoiding for a long time...sadness and tears. Another man in my life left again....

It's a struggle for me to work but it's more painful for me to just stay home and grieve about everything. I tried to keep myself busy and somehow it's a placebo from all the things i'm keeping myself from. Friends and officemates shared their hugs and some even tried their best to make me laugh...wich i believe a job well done. Yet there are moments i see myself staring at nowhere, thinking of the things i should've done and what are the things we had further done to save his valuable life. Now..everything is too late...he left with tears in his eyes.

Days had pass and i realized that they are right, I should be more happy for him because he's back in our Creator's arms. He no longer have to suffer from death-defying suction, no more needles on his hands, free from diapers and oxygen tank will no longer make him breath easier because wherever he is right now, i bet the air there is more fresher.

Relatives and friends gather on his wake to tell more stories about him. Rumors goes around among the family, different versions of one single event, cries from my dadi-lolo's wife, kids and sisters and a moment for us to see our long lost relatives. From tears to smiles, and i know he'll be delighted when he see all of us gathering and holding each other's hands as we recall all the funny and nice things (and even those not so nice), and even his ka-pilyohan.

Acceptance makes everything easier for us. Trust, that right now his soul is at peace and he's life is much better for him, and a bag of home made cookies to complete it all!