Moving forward, without looking back...

Things happened for a reason….so passé, yet it’s turning out to be a universal truth.

It’s not everyday I get to make some effort to be a little closer to someone I really like. Something’s always holding me back whenever I plan to do so. It is possible that I’m lacking some courage, guts or perhaps confidence, yet whatever it is, I know it’s not going to turn into something I carefully plan about.

He is not that ideal, but he’s the one who made my heart consistently beat really fast…after a gazillion years!! He’s not great looking, yet he looks perfect on his rusty jeans on, rock start printed shirt, rasta looking bonnet, armed with the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen…..after a gazillion years again! He have this ultimate power leaving me speechless every time he pass by or simply glance at my direction --- NOW I’M BEING MUSHY!!!! See he got me speechless and mushy at the same time....it’s so impossible for me to be like that, but he made it possible.

I never realized how important the day we became acquaintance until I understand what all this mushiness I’m going through is. Now, we’re just one perfect strangers; nothing left but the memories where he always smile back at me.

I don’t know what I’ve done or probably my stupid mouth did it again that’s why things turned this way. It may be something stupid that I have had done that will always remind him every time he see me. Whatever it is, It’s me. It took me time to accept it. It crashes my ability to like who I am. My friend may be right, I better blindfold myself whenever I’m going to face a mirror, because what all I’m going to see is one unpleasing and very disappointing lass.

It made me feel sad for a few hours yet I realized one thing, this may sound stupid, but all this didn’t really break my heart, it was all replaced by irreplaceable disappointments. I’m more disappointed at him than I am to myself. There are several things he has done that melt my mushiness and simply throw at the trash. All that’s left of me are series of "why" questions, unfathomable disenchantments and the courage to move on, not taking a fleeting looks at his direction.