10:24 am
I'm sitting beside my boyfriend, while he's fast asleep.
Looking back, i never thought i'll meet someone like him, who i think, accepts me for who I am. He's never someone i thought i'll be with or even said "yes...i want to be yours too!". He just came into my life, break down my walls and showed me how he really feels and made me think, it isn't going to be that bad if i'll let someone love me. Risk...it's all started with a risk!
I remember, it's been 5 months now, when my boss, her husband and i were having a conversation while we're at a colleague's wedding. She told me how she met her husband and how their love story began. I asked her, "how did you know that he's the one?", she said "you'll never know, you'll feel it!". Then her husband told me, you'll know that the person is the one you want to be with till your deathbed, when you feel scared. He said, you'll be scared of not seeing that person happy, just a simple thought of not giving the person you love what will satisfy them frightens you, he also admitted that even letting go of the things that he won't be able to do scared the hell out of him. Yet, behind it all, it's the kind of fear that won't make you run away. It's a scary feeling that will just make you stay, hold her hands, smile and simply live life with the person, while that fear slowly fades away.
It made me smile. It made me think...then i felt sad. I was single then. I'm not desperately looking, but i'm patiently waiting.
My boss saw how my eyes turned blue. Then she said, "just pray for him...God will give you what you'll ask HIM". I find that the funniest statement I've ever heard! I told her, "I am praying to God and pleading him to give me the man of my dreams...". She said, "well maybe you just have to be specific...that's what i did and God me him", while giving her husband a tender glance. I told her, "I am specific! I'm too specific i'm asking him to give me this specific man...". She laughed at me and said "You don't need to give HIM names, just ask for traits you want in a guy, and HE will grant it. With enough trust, a whole lot of faith and self love, you'll find your man. He may not be the perfect one, but he's the guy you asked for".
It has been a wonderful night and seeing two persons vow their love in front of their loved ones and to God, made me feel there's hope...and probably, well, possibly, i'll find the love that i deserve.
That same night, i prayed to God, "Dear Lord, I'm sorry if i asked too much from you...maybe all i need is someone to love me. Will you please give me a guy who will love me?".
Months have passed, i cried bucket of tears for someone i thought and dreamed of, I've met some guys and only one stand out...this guy beside me now, who said he love me though i'm few years older than him, even though how scared and annoying i can be most of the time, even if i'm not drop dead gorgeous, and loves me because i'm simply me.
I thought it's just fate fooling around again. Yet, God gave me this guy. I don't want to expect much, like growing old with him or having kids with him...stuff like that. Maybe because i'm just about to know if all these are worth the risk. I hope nobody gets me wrong; I love this guy and i'm sure of it. I'm just yet about to see if I'll feel the fear i was told before, the selfless kind of fear, a different kind of fear...the one that will just make me stay, hold his hand, smile and just simply live my life with him.
My boyfriend and I have a long road to take. This is just the beginning of another chapter in my life, and it will start with just us.
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