Bayo @ Ewud; 2008

Sentimental me...

Love... why is it hard to find you?

I have to go through series of rejections and i have to do the same..reject their feign love. Why is it hard to love and be loved in return? why does fate have to be tough on me?
All these are like a game; a game i don't know if i can still achieve victory over to. So tricky! I just can't master the game or maybe i just don't know how to play my cards really damn well. I guess, playing isn't really my thing; I need the real deal. It's sickening to kiss frogs who never turned into the Prince i'm searching for.
Where are you?
Just where the hell are you?
All i wanted is to find this guy who's actions speaks louder than words. I need a guy who will not promise me his life, give me sweet nothings and cuddles me everyday. I need someone who's willing to share their part of them to me, the way i would love to share a part of me to him. Sweet pick-up lines are funny but i'm going crazy over it. It's making me go berserk! All the pain and disappointments makes me want to give up, thinking that maybe L-O-V-E isn't just a thing for me.
I want to let go of this feeling of waiting. I'm tired of it. I'm tired being fooled, acting like a fool and pretending to be stupid hoping that through this i'll find "him". Years of waiting, yet no one - not a single man's soul wants me in their life.
Love...do i really have to exert effort to find you?
I'm starting to prepare myself for being alone. But how ready am i? Will this be for the rest of my mortal life? What if no one is really meant for me? No one is ever worth the pain...the wait...someone's  worth of having me? I'm sick of feeling this way...

Is it goodbye love for me now?

1-1-11

Fireworks are over, champagne glass are empty and stomachs are full.

I've celebrated New Year with my family and it was always fun as expected. This is my first entry for the year, and i decided to scrap off my new year's resolutions and well have a more concrete plan that will sure make 2011 a better year for me.

Let me just start this year with a prayer.

Dear Lord,

I can't ask anything for more, because you do still provide me all my needs and knows that there are right time to get what i want.
I want to thank you for all the blessings you've given me and my family last year, and today, the first day of the year, i would like to thank you for more blessings i know you'll generously provide us. Thanks for the love and happiness, tears and pain, lessons learned and failed to learn, for my family and friends, for my job i'm still learning to appreciate and love, and for all other wonderful things you've given me.
Sorry if i fail you as a child. Sorry for making myself unfortunate and if if sometimes i fail to appreciate all the small things that you've given me. I apologize most for disappointing you. I can't promise you anything, but i will try to follow you as what i know i should do.
This year, there are only few things i ask, prosperous year and great health for my family and more love for me.

Thank you Lord.

Amen

Farewell 2010

i'm only counting hours till i finally say...so long 2010.

It has been a tough year. 2010 has been pretty harsh on me and did teach me a lot of lessons. I can't enumerate all the awesome things happened to me but there's only one thing i can say...THANK GOD FOR ANOTHER WONDERFUL YEAR.
I must say this year taught me how to stay grounded. It's better to know how to use one's pride wisely and stay humble with all the small things God has given me. I think it's better that way than wait for God make a way for me to keep my feet on the ground.
This is a year which i've learned that i'm braver than i thought i am. I've done things i thought i never can, which helped me feel more equipped to face 2011. It may not be much than i expected, but enough to make a step away from my fears, inhibitions and doubts.

I also learned that there's nothing wrong to trust a stranger, meet new people and broaden my horizon by being more nice than i am. You just need to guard myself from all the unexpected pain and disappointments.

2010 brought me tears and happiness i will never forget, like spending first day of 2010 with my friends at Tagaytay, spending my birthday at a comedy bar, ending up crying, having an argument with Mama and end up crying again, meeting a stranger online and meeting him in person which somehow sucks but lesson well learned, going to Cebu for the first time, spending weekends driving around town till we reach Tagaytay again ending up eating bulalo, learning how to play poker but never really play the game, partying and parteeeing, living on a condo which i never really dreamed or planned EVER in my life, losing my family again, spending rainy seasons in Boracay, getting drunk...hard drunk, sex in the beach...almost, weed and laughing out loud, being with friends who needs help, saying goodbye to friends, meeting new friends, missing a good ol' phone and but getting a much better one, and a whole lot of circus shits in 2010!!

This will be my last entry for the year. I dunno what 2011have for me. I feel less excited, maybe because time flies so fast that it stresses the hell out of me, but i'm ready to unravel every single present the next year have.

Ready

Set

GO!!!

I can't think of a good title for this but

if there’s one thing I learned today, it is not to pick a fight with an empty head! One, you’ll lose your rationale and all your wisdom will go to waste. Second is you’re fighting with someone who only depends on their wants and that includes them boosting their ego for showing out how great they are by shouting with empty words. And lastly, it’s a waste of energy, to spend it with someone who have no sense of reasoning and all you hear are bad words. One will never win in an argument with someone who only knows how to fight for their ego.
When you’re pushed to your limits, it pays to be silent, take a deep breath and think. It’s the best way to fight back, because you’ll have your senses and sanity back, and not let your emotions take over and drive you mad, till you realize you’re nothing different from the one who’s picking a fight with you. Think if it’s worth your time. Think if it’s something that will risk your life. Think if there are some innocent people that could be included on your fight. Think if the damage your emotions will cost is worth it. Think and ask for guidance. Then, you can do something about the situation, once you set aside your emotions. Act the way wise men do.
I think that’s the perfect way to take revenge.

It's two faces...one couple.
Two smiles...one feeling.
All for the name of L-O-V-E...

on the other hand...

I may not be a head-turner and someone all guys desires. I may not have a fair skin, long silky hair, nice eyes, great smile, sexy figure, big boobies and hot booties. I'm not a supermodel.

But if being beautiful means you have to make someone feel ugly, treat someone bad, make someone feel bad about themselves, dirty talk behind a friend, being dishonest, being a brat and self centered, then I'll be greatful with all my physical imperfections and thank God for making me beautiful as I am.

I know I can't make guys follow me wherever I go, but I know, someday, there's this only guy who will follow me wherever I'll go and will never leave me once I had wrinkles on my face or when my make-up fades.
I will be thankful enough for giving me the courage to stand up as me, and not someone expect me to be. I'll content on the fact that I may not have kissable lips, but I know I'm careful enough to say something that will not break someone into pieces.

Everyone is beautiful. What makes a person have an exeptional beauty, is their ability to make someone feel pretty.