A Tourist's Letter

The moment i logged in to my computer, i saw this email that caught my attention, because for once, someone who's really on the crime scene made a statement which will help everyone understand the gunman's concerns. I just don't understand why some innocent tourist had to hear and understand his cries, which his fellow colleagues missed to do.



Postcripts To A BloodBath


Mr. Mendoza was already upset even before he saw on television what the policemen did to his brother. The other tourists who remained inside the bus were complaining. Wei Ji Jiang wanted to go to the bathroom. Dao Chi Yu was hungry and the rest were just groaning and whining like they have forgotten that our lives rest in Mr. Mendoza's hands.

The hostage taker, as you know him was really nice. He treated us okay and even let the elders and the children leave the bus. He said your policemen treated him unfairly. He was a policeman too and was accused of doing something he had no knowledge of. But your government didn't listen so he used us to get everyone's attention.

Things would have never turned for the worst if he didn't see how his family was dragged out of their house and taken into custody. He was watching the news all the time as we huddled around each other behind the bus. He shouted some words in your language then started shooting in the air. A girl about my age started screaming. Mr. Mendoza demanded her to stop but she didn't understand English. God, he had to slash her neck with a knife just to put her to rest. Her boyfriend who tried to hit him was shot in the head.

Tension was rising. You can see in his face how scared and confused he was. The bus driver ran away leaving him alone with strangers from a distant land. I can see him walking across the aisle, sometimes pointing his machine gun to one of the tourists. But he tried his best not to hurt us, especially those who really cooperate.

I guess its in your nature not to inflict pain on others unless it was necessary. I remember him saying that he will free us before sundown and implored us to forget everything when we return home. But his words don't matter now. The policemen were trying to force their way in, while we all lied down to shield ourselves from bullets. Mister Mendoza blindly shoots at his enemies which I think kept them from rescuing us. I hear sobs under the chairs. Some were even shouting the names of their loved ones even when the air merely eat their words. Kevin Tang tried to escape when the glass door was was shattered, but one shot and he slumped on the floor with blood gushing from his mouth.

Heavy rain pitter-pattered on the rooftop. In old Chinese saying, it means an end to a struggle. Finally, somebody was able to open the escape hatch at the back of the bus. Freedom. But I knew Mister Mendoza was still alive. I knew he was just waiting for a chance to strike back at his enemies. So I told those around me not to escape. Let the authorities come for us instead. Then there was gunfire. He was firing at his enemies with a machine gun. Those who were at the escape hatch fled abandoning us once again. It's like a nightmare with no end and to wake up means a certain death. Then somebody from outside the bus threw a canister. It forced out a black smoke that is so painful to the eyes and putrid smelling to the nose. People started screaming. We cannot breathe. Some ran in front of the bus but Mister Mendoza warned them of stray bullets. It was too late. One was hit on the head, the other was hit on the shoulders. Bullets were now flying. Its like the authorities thought we were all dead. Mister Mendoza finally admits his mistake and said sorry to everyone, dead or alive. He then ran towards the front of the bus where he would meet his maker. As he passed by my chair with bullets whistling overhead, I clutched my hand on the velvet curtain and wrapped it around my face. All I could think of was to stay alive for my child who is waiting for me back in Xinjang. I know I will survive,

I will come home.

Bang Lu Min Survivor, Quirino Bloodbath


Grabbed from yahoo news/philippines.

A thing from my past

I'm cleaning my stuff, as i prepare to move to my new place and lo and behold! i found my journal dated year 2006! I read through all the dramas and nonsensical stuff in my life when i'm few years younger and here's one entry i would like to share: (unedited)



Feb 15, 2006 - Wednesday



Dear Gryz,



So how's your day? I heard a lot of things happened to you today. I heard that you cry a lot because first, you feel that nobody really cares about you, that it seems like that you're worst than an orphaned kid and second, because you still feel bad to your mama. Well, honestly you seem pissed off with your life that i often hear you ask, or better say, plea God to take your life right now. I feel sad for you. I know you hate being sorry for yourself or other people feeling sorry for you, but the truth is - I really am feeling so sorry for you to every single bad - or worst thing that's happening in your life.

Well dear, first...you're not a kid anymore, so don't feel like an abandoned KID! 2 more days and you'll be 21; that will be ths start to prove them that "Hey! you're one smart ass and can stand on your own!". The more you get older, the bigger your responsibilities, the bigger responsibility..the worst life gets. You just have to accept it and be prepared. You can do great girl! Second, your mama is already paying the price on the life she choose. You've shared a piece of your pie, laid down your cards and that made you feel better, while she's feeling terribly bad. Does saying what you've been keeping for a long time loosen the situation? Honestly, i also don't know. Besides, that's the life she want; no matter what excuse she said and even if she seems like she don't want to do anything to make it better, then let her be where she wants to be.

You've said what you think she should and should not do, and let her decide whether to accept it or not. If being with you is not her option at all, then you just have to be thankful because whether you like it or not, she still helped you on her own little ways, she's still your mama and God used her to show you how beautiful HIS creations are. Instead of being fretting, just be thankful; in this case, it will make your life not that worst. About your stepfather, don't let your hate over him drown you. This will cause you terrible result in yourself and life as a whole.

I've also heard that you talked to your Auntie Lily in Manila, and discussed something about religion and faith in God. To be honest, I don't see you having strong faith on HIM and struggle a lot in knowing who HE is in your life. Still groping in the dark? Why Gryz? I don't really see you that "attached" to HIM and most of the time, you let devil get over you, when you know that it shouldn't be. You're still weak, vulnerable, naive...stupid...anything i can describe about you and your heart. How can you achieve eternal life without God in your heart? Geez...now we're getting serious here!Ü...I just hope that it wouldn't be too late for you to "find" HIM.

Uhmm..about your wish for being a photographer, I think you should start doing something about it. The earlier you start, the farther you get. Strt working on what you love the most - start working to reach your goal. Don't mind those people who's pulling you down - someday, you can prove something to them and that alone will make them feel sorry for doing that to you...the best part of this is: you'll prove them wrong!

Smile! Shit happens!!Ü. Just thank God for every small and great things that happened today. Oh by the way...Good news, congratulations! You've survived!!

What a dreadful day!

I feel so tired today and i almost cried because of the things that are going through in my life.

Fuck! i don't know what to do or where to begin. It's just making me crazy the past few days and i thought that if only i have saved enough cash, i will not go through this dilemma!

Hais...i'm just looking forward to get over this feeling and start a new life!

There's only one thing to say: "it's hard to find a home!".

A letter for Someone

Dear ME,

I heard that you feel really low lately and you were pulling yourself down too much. I know it hurts when you know that no one around you will like you for who you are, but seriously, you don’t need to change yourself for someone to like you. You don’t have to see yourself as someone as ugly as an ogre.

My dear, stop searching and waiting for the prince to save you from despair and for a happy ending; that I guess does not exist and you know that yourself. You are the one who will make your own happy ending, with or without someone to give you love’s promises.

I think you should also stop thinking no one will see your worth, simply because you don’t believe that you’re beautiful, as what others think of you. I know deep inside you, you are pretty. You just need to accept that, so people will see you, the way you want them to.

I guess what you really need to do is start to have real activities that will enhance your talent (I know you have one! C’mon!!). Smoke & drink less; sleep well; do anything that will make you feel better.

Stop feeling bad…stop pretending you’re ok. Just move on with life the way you should and be more productive! Ü

A lesson from a teenager

I've read Diary of A young Girl - Anne Frank again and it never fail to inspire me.

It reminds me of my teenage years and 9years after, i suddenly realized that I've done so many disappointing stuff and that made me feel ashame of my self. If only I can go back in time or probably talk to the old me again, the only word i may utter is "sorry".

I would apologize for letting the adventurous me turned to a lazy lass. I would apologize for being selfish. I'll apologize for being compulsive from time to time and for being careless when it comes to handling my earning. Most of all, I'll be sorry for letting my dreams die a tragic death.

I can't complain, I have no right to complain. I can't just sit in one dark corner of a room and be and feel sorry for the rest of my life. Lesson is learned. I guess it's not to late for me to do what my heart desires.

True that i can't really turn back time & what I can do now is use all the things I've learned to something beneficial, not just to myself and for my family as well. The best I can do is move on. Live & Learn. Have fun. Enjoy every single thing that God provides me.

Lucky Me!! :P

Dear Friends,

I would like you to know that I'm so lucky to have you guys. I'm not really blessed with a good family but you are my lucky charm and helped me have directions in life. You all taught me and keep on teaching me from what's right from wrong and what i love the most about you was you've been honest to me. I thank God everyday for giving me wonderful friends as a gift.

:-)

Glee = Happy

Since the intense heat made it hard for me to sleep after work, i decided to spend time on watching Glee again.

The first four episodes are fun and if only i don't have work the next day, i'll end up watching season 1 in a day!

Glee reminds me of my high school days, sans the fact that i have to be on a singing club or "choir". I'm not even the dumb-pretty-cheerleader or part of the invisible group of students who are bullied around by mean students. What i realized is all my hopes and dreams are passing me by as i allow myself be stuck on this job.

High school life is where you try to unravel who you really are and what role you want to play on the society. It's the time of my life where I'm fearless; chasing everything and making sacrifices, thinking that it's a way for me to be what i wanted to be. I've always wanted to be a writer...then i learned the ropes of photography and dreamed of one of the best photographer in the country. I also had the opportunity to make short film and badly dreamed of creating my own film or even some music videos. I once had fun staying on a radio station and play music listeners requested for and decided that it's not that bad to be a local radio dj. Yet until now, it all remains a dream.

Some of the things i've learned on Glee are first, don't let age hinder you on reaching your dream; you might be the next big thing on your chosen field. Second: don't let allow people or someone to pull you down; pick yourself up, love who you are and be true. Third: you don't have to ruin someone to prove that you're good. THe most important is: Have fun!

There's more I can do in my life than to earn big bucks and rot. Sometimes i forget that the world is my playground...I just need to have fun from time to time.