I'm about to make a decision that will change my life forever. At this moment, i just want to drench my problems away with alcohol..something that will make me forget all the pain I'm feeling and about to face. I sacrificed almost everything: my singlehood, my career, the people who raised me are just some on my list. I'm even stuck on a job I never really see myself doing just for me to be with my love ones..my mom and my brother.
I'm having the freedom of doing what i want: chilling out with my friends, buying things I never had, going to places i've never been and partying till five in the morning. I'm doing all these because i know, sooner or later, all these will end. My money and time are just for myself, and now is the time to share it with my "family". I'm going to do this though I'm uncertain if i'll be able to make it in the end; though she really didn't raised me as what all mothers should do, I want to do my part as what a daughter should to her parents: FACE RESPONSIBILITIES WITH ALL GUTS. Though my brother hardly knew me at all and vice versa, I still want to play the role of a big sister that he can always lean on and pick a fight with.
All my life i'm facing expectations and unbearable rejections. I was able to give myself a break for almost a year. Now, I'm going to embrace more of what i have right now. My road is no longer leading on my own accord; it all leads to where I will see them happy. I don't want to break my promise to my mom. I want to show her that I'm far way better than she thought I am. She never believed in me..I knew it, for if she did she will hold on to the promise I made her 16 years ago, when i was in grade school, where I expect only us will be together, not letting go of our dreams..until she gave up first. She left me on my relatives care, let them groom me, while she decided to live with a man that make her life a living hell.
People around me, especially my relatives, stops me from doing this, but I'm taking the risk. I have a promise to keep, one thing my mom never did. Honestly, I have lots of hesitations in mind, so many what-if's, negativities and other unnecessary blah blah. If any of them ruin my plans, my life will be ruined too. Yet i know God will never abandon me. If i run out of food to eat, courage, faith, hope, will to stand and i wasn't able to feel love and care as what i've shown them, it's ok, God will never abandon me. God will provide me bunch of those. Nothing to lose though..
I'm having the freedom of doing what i want: chilling out with my friends, buying things I never had, going to places i've never been and partying till five in the morning. I'm doing all these because i know, sooner or later, all these will end. My money and time are just for myself, and now is the time to share it with my "family". I'm going to do this though I'm uncertain if i'll be able to make it in the end; though she really didn't raised me as what all mothers should do, I want to do my part as what a daughter should to her parents: FACE RESPONSIBILITIES WITH ALL GUTS. Though my brother hardly knew me at all and vice versa, I still want to play the role of a big sister that he can always lean on and pick a fight with.
All my life i'm facing expectations and unbearable rejections. I was able to give myself a break for almost a year. Now, I'm going to embrace more of what i have right now. My road is no longer leading on my own accord; it all leads to where I will see them happy. I don't want to break my promise to my mom. I want to show her that I'm far way better than she thought I am. She never believed in me..I knew it, for if she did she will hold on to the promise I made her 16 years ago, when i was in grade school, where I expect only us will be together, not letting go of our dreams..until she gave up first. She left me on my relatives care, let them groom me, while she decided to live with a man that make her life a living hell.
People around me, especially my relatives, stops me from doing this, but I'm taking the risk. I have a promise to keep, one thing my mom never did. Honestly, I have lots of hesitations in mind, so many what-if's, negativities and other unnecessary blah blah. If any of them ruin my plans, my life will be ruined too. Yet i know God will never abandon me. If i run out of food to eat, courage, faith, hope, will to stand and i wasn't able to feel love and care as what i've shown them, it's ok, God will never abandon me. God will provide me bunch of those. Nothing to lose though..
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